Ask Pip!
by Perfect Anomaly
Summary: Exactly what the title says. Rated 'T' just in case and, well, why would young children be reading/watching Hellsing anyways?
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Well, I suppose we need an 'Ask Pip' so here it is. My French isn't that good (it's my third language) so please bear with me. Right, so, a few things. I may not update that frequently, 'cause I have around eight or so other ongoing stories. No inappropriate questions, please. My young mind can't cope with too much of that. Yes, I am aware of what has happened in book 7 and 8. Yes, I am mentally scarred for life. Okey dokey, on with the story!**

Salut!

Everyone else over here is doing von, so I suppose I should too.

Ask away, mon ami~!

-Pip

**French dictionary:**

**Ami=friend. Pronounced 'Ah-me'**

**Mon= male form of 'my'. In French, there are female and male words. 'Ami' is male so the male form of 'my' is put in front of it.**

**Salut= hi. Pronounced 'Sah-loo'**


	2. Chapter 2

_classic anon asked: _

_ah yes, the french-canadian. here be a question..._

_what went through your mind during your first meeting with Seras and Alucard?_

_I hear from a few reliable sources that you have recently broken the record for "Longest Bad Luck Streak". do you have anything to say 'bout that, my good sir?_

_finally, what's it like being Seras' "familliar"? bet it feels strange._

Bonjour, mon ami.

The first time I met Seras and Alucard…vell, I have to say, I was très sceptique zat my girl was a vampire. Until, vell, she beat me up just by flicking her fingers.

As for Alucard…he was terrifying. I almost crapped my pants vhen he walked through ze wall.

My luck certainly is merde. First, I get recruited by a vampire hunting agency. Then I am forced to live in a nasty $30-per-night motel in Rio. Next I had to help Big Red eradicate a bunch of poor unlucky bastards. Nearly got killed in the process, too. After that, I finally get chummy with my girl, a war breaks out, I nearly get to kiss her, then blam! She opens her eyes and there goes my chance. But then off she goes and is beaten up by tattoo face. I go save her, finally get my kiss, but then I die.

Well, I least I got my smooch.

Being my girl's familiar is pretty strange, but it's great to be with her for all eternity. I really do love her, you know? It made me so happy, to see that she fulfilled my last wish- drinking my blood to become true nosferatu. All in all, although it's strange, it's good at the same time. Except for the fact that she won't let me smoke inside her.

_Hellsinglover asked: _

_Sir integra here, starting to wonder when u would be on here already have u checked seras ask thing yet?_

Ah, it's mademoiselle Integra. And oui, I have checked it out.

_Sakura Otome asked:_

_bonjour! pip i have two questions for you_

_ you know your grandfatherled a group of ressistance people called the_

_coyotes during world war 2 in france_

_2. your cute you know that_

I never really found out about mon grandpapa's true identity until that day I asked. But after that, oui, I did know.

And, ah…*blushes* merci, mademoiselle!

_Seraphia-la asked:_

_Why hello, Monsieur Pip!I hope you don't mind that I'm got a couple of_

_questions for you! I apologize if they are a little too random, but...I'm not_

_in a very serious mood right now, so..._

_1. Would you ever get a tattoo? If so, what would the tattoo be of?_

_2. Speaking of tattoos, do you think that Zorin's face is creepy as heck?_

_3. Does your braid make a good scarf in the winter if you wrap it around your_

_neck?_

_4. What would you do if Alucard cut off your braid in your sleep?_

_5. On a scale of 1-10, how inconvenient is your braid during a battle? Does it_

_get caught in things from time to time?_

_Oh wow, look at that sudden influx of hair-related questions! XD_

Of course I don't mind! ; )

Vell, a tattoo…hmm…I honestly don't know. Zorin put me off getting one, you see. But I do suppose I may get my girl's name on my arm.

Oui, Zorin's face is creepy as heck. Actually maybe even a bit creepier than Alucard. Don't tell him I said it, or not even Seras will be able to protect me.

My braid is, surprisingly, warm in winter. It cuts down costs (I don't need to buy scarves), and I think I look pretty good in it.

One morning, I actually did vake up to find zhat nearly all of my hair vas missing. Don't tell anyone, but I screamed. Zhe only I other time I let out a shriek like zat vas vhen I dislocated my shoulder, broke my left leg in several places, and scraped off all zhe skin on my elbow in a freak car accident. Blame my chatte, it vas all her fault. Anyvays, it turned out zat Alucard decided he vould play a trick on me and created zhe illusion zat my braid vas missing. Maybe it vas because of zhe fact zat I placed a frog in his coffin.

On a scale of one to ten, I vould rate it a 4. You eventually get used to it, though my braid tends to get jammed in doors sometimes.

_huntressRVW:Hello to you too pip. I was just wondering, when did you start_

_growing out your hair? it's so pretty! Also, do you have any tips? i want to_

_try and get mine as long as yours._

Bonjour, mademoiselle. I started grooving out mon cheveux vhen I vas 13. And merci! Vhat you need to keep in mind is zat you need lots of haircare products. ;)

_A questioner asked:_

_Okay Pip. Here comes I have always, ALWAYS wondered:_

_Why do wear a plaster on your nose and ... why have you been wearing it for like ... plus ten years or so?_

I have alvays vorn a plaster on my nose because, vell, have any of you ever heard of sinusitis? It basically blocks up your sinuses. It's not exactly a plaster, but I vear it so zat I can breathe. Hard to explain, actually.

_La-novh94 asked:_

_bonjour pip_

_I was wondering if your relationship with you will be since you changed your relative volvistes are as good friends are like a steady partner_

_no more bye_

Ah, I'm sorry monsieur/mademoiselle/madam, but I actually didn't quite understand zat. I'm very sorry.

Anyvays, thankyou for your questions, and ask avay!

~Pip

**Cheveux: pronounced 'shur-ver', means hair**

**Madam: pronounced 'ma-darm', means, well, madam.**

**Mademoiselle: pronounced 'ma-der-mwo-zell', means Miss**

**Merci: pronounced 'mersee', means thank you**

**Merde: pronounced 'mer-d', means bloody hell or sh*t.**

**Mon: pronounced like it looks, it is the male form of my**

**Monsieur: pronounced 'mon-si-er', means sir/mister**

**Sceptique : pronouced 'scep-tee-ck', means sceptical**

**Très: pronounced 'tr-air', means very**

**A/N: I think I covered them all…well, hope you guys are satisfied!**


End file.
